Day 06 — My worst cooking disaster involved _____________ and this person/these people…

Curry chicken and rice, with my ex. It was my first time making curry chicken and I called my mom and my ma for directions and both were different. 

I was fine cooking the chicken, but when it came down to making it thick, well lets just say I started with a full bag of flour and finished with about half. I usually watch my ma when she is cooking so I knew that flour and water was to make it thick. Her trick is putting it in a bottle and shaking it, so I did that it was all ready to go. My mom told me to bring it to a boil and then remove the put and add the mixture and keep stirring, so I did that and nothing happened. I added more, still nothing, so I added more. Frustrated at this point, I called my mom back and she said that I probably didn’t have enough of the mixture to the amount of water, so I tried again. I was about to give up when I decided to put it back on the stove and  all of a sudden it was thick, way too thick. I added more water more seasonings and then the consistency was good but it tasted like FLOUR! I was so mad I called my mom back and told her what happened and all she said was “It usually works for me.” 

I was in the kitchen for about 2 hours trying to get this right, I was so upset because curry chicken is one of my favorite dishes. I was determined to fix it, I added more curry powder, salt, pepper, just about everything  could get my hands but it didn’t really help. My ex and I still ate it even though it tasted it horrible, he was a good sport. I have definitely learned from that though, and now I got it down and it taste GOOD!!

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 5. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Day 05 — This is embarrassing but on average I cause the toilet to overflow about this many times a year because of deposits I made…

 

Tampons… What person decided to make tampons not flushable and why don’t they have it bold on the box? This is so not my fault, all the years that I have been flushing tampons down the toilet it never clogged. I am blaming the toilet, the suction power of the toilet wasn’t as strong. I am not sure how many times a year this happens but its actually not that often, thank god because plungers are useless. 

I honestly don’t understand why they wouldn’t make tampons flushable. Who wants to put a used tampons in their bathroom trash? If I am on heavy and stuff the amount of times I gotta change is annoying and I just pray it doesn’t clog. I really don’t understand why plungers aren’t more reliable anyway. I hate losing to a plunger, when the sides curl up and you have to flip it back with the rim of the toilet. I guess its better than trying to use your hands right…

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 5. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

“My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain – and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain.”

~Anthony Robbins 

You tell me to be true to myself and make myself happy, but you’re quick to jump on the bandwagon and talk down about me. You tell me you’re happy for me, but when I need a shoulder you’re quick to say “you chose this lifestyle.” You say you don’t care and you love me no less but every time we talk, you’re preaching the “word” to me and trying to tell me why I’m “like this.” Why is it that you can not wholeheartedly love me for me? Why can’t you accept me as I am? I am sorry to disappoint you but I can only be me.

What is a child to do when she feels the urge to look at someone of the same sex? Apparently, Sean Harris believes that you are to “beat the gay” out of your children. I must be missing something, again another person basing this argument on religion. I believe it was the good old Bible where the Lord says “Come as you are.” Methinks thou dost protest too much*. When I was growing up, my momma nor my guardian mentioned anything about homosexuals, or at least it never stood out to me. As a child, they don’t think anything like OMG I am going to hell, they look at it as everyone else is doing this. Why am I different? Just the thought of being different is enough to scare anyone, no one likes different. I was once that child, so I know how it feels. As I got older, I realized that being a homosexual was not only frowned upon, but totally unacceptable. People treat you as if one day you woke up and said ” Hey, I’m going to be a homosexual today and live an extremely difficult life.”  Really, Really dude, thats what you think! 

When I actually faced myself in the mirror and told a girl I found her attractive, I was afraid of what she might say. I didn’t care what people thought until it got really bad. When I chose to be happy and live for me, although it wasn’t confirmed, my close friends knew and others assumed. I lost friends, I had people stare at me when I walked in the room, but thinking back on it now, the only people that it mattered to was those who were in the closet themselves. To me it didn’t matter because my parents knew and they accepted me, so in my mind it was “Fuck the rest.” I think it was at this part in my life when I learned just how nasty people are. I was raised by just about everyone besides my mom because of her drug habit, when I got older I permanently went to live with my Godma. Now, just because she ended up “coming out” when my lifestyle was made public people started rumors saying that she troubled me, and that its her fault I am like this and that this is a “learned trait.” People really don’t realize the affect their words have on people. Not only did it cause a rift in our relationship, it made me hide and deny my feelings.

Tell me why so many people find it acceptable to make comments like “That’s So Gay.” What ever happened to gay just meaning happy? In what year, what happened to make someone turn this three letter word into a derogatory term. What happened to dyke just standing for a slope? Every countless words are used to discriminate against others, humans who are just “happy.” I know the sad but true statement; Misery loves company, but how about you leave us to be amongst ourselves. I hear people make comments like, “you know he dresses like that gay guy who works…” I’m sorry does this guy not have a name? How many children fight depression everyday because of their sexuality, because they are afraid to be themselves, only to have coldhearted people make comments like “well you shouldn’t live a secret.” FYI, its people like that force them into the 3 walls and door that form a closet! Why can’t they just be happy and live, while you be miserable and wilt?!

What is so wrong about falling in love with another human being, who just happens to be of the same sex? I think the main reason is that we are different, we make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. We in live in a world that is full of contradiction. You tell your children not to be afraid to be different, but you yourself are afraid of whats different. I have to ask, what is different? You like a human, I like a human. Love has no gender. In 2012 we live in a world where a black pastor finds it ok to use the same book that was used to discriminate against blacks to discriminate against another group of people, the Bible. I really can’t seem to understand how the Bible became the most powerful book in the world. I went to church the other day and I couldn’t believe my eyes, in the program they have listed the account number for you to pay your tithes online. On the bottom of every page there’s a reminder not to forget your offerings to help build Gods kingdom, and that belco is expensive and so on. I’m sorry, I thought that earth was going to be hell, so why the need for so much money? 

We live in a world where we finally have a black president, not only is he black but he is courageous. Barrack Obama has made it known that he supports same-sex marriage. In this same world, we have black pastors telling the news that Obama has turned against the church because of this. Funny enough, Obama makes it clear that he is not taking a religious view of this, as he himself is a practicing christian. At the end of the day it all boils down to rights for another human. This pastor is so against homosexuality but if a lesbian, gay or transgender HUMAN was sitting in your pew and tithes and offerings were being collected, would you turn them down? I think not! Can the readers say…. AMEN! The only argument they have against homosexuality is in the Bible, but these people that use this book for their own selfish reason are called Bible Thumpers! How are you going to preach to your congregation about the sins of the world and laws of the Bible if all of you do not follow them yourself, hhhmmmm do I smell a hypocrite? Oh right, they argue that the old testament is void now, however they still use the 10 commandments…. confused. You base your views and beliefs of homosexuality based on Leviticus 20:13 If a man lie with another man like he does with a woman he shall be killed. The Bible also says in Deuteronomy 21:18-21 that if a child is disobedient to their parents they are to be stoned, Genesis 38:8-10 says that if a man spilled (masturbated) his seed he will be killed, Deuteronomy 25:11-12 if two man are fighting and the wife of one tries to save her husband by gripping his private parts her hand is to be cut off and show her no pity. This is the book that you worship. In my opinion I don’t think it had anything to do with homosexuality I think it is all about reproducing and men continuing their lineage. If your argument is solely based on biblical guidelines then please lets continue, Judges 21:10-24 pretty much says that its ok to rape and kidnap women to continue building their town AFTER they killed all the men, women and children who were not virgins. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 says that if a woman is raped and found her rapist is to pay her father and they are to be married. Again this is the same book that you are saying is the reason why you are against homosexuality. My eyes have been opened, how anyone can get their moral guidance from a book that is so powerful and so twisted is beyond me.

For years people have feared and denied who they are because of religion and others. This is your life, its only one, why live it in slavery. If they are going to call you gay then you might live happily, if they are going to call you a dyke let them fall in your happy ditch. You can only be one person, and thats you. Trying to be someone else just to fit in with society is a cheat and it will fail you. They will find something to judge you for. I challenge you to be yourself, no matter what that might be. Look up these verses yourself and feel free to contact me and I can provide you with more. We need to realize that discrimination is discrimination, no matter what it is. The activist Bayard Rustin that lead Martin Luther King to his march on Washington was openly gay. Fight to be you. Look in the mirror and say “This is who I am, here is where I stand, take me as I am for I can only be me.”

 

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. 

~E.E. Cummings

*Methinks thou dost protest too much: The phrase’s actual meaning implies the increasing likelihood of suppressed feelings for the contrary of that which is being argued. I.e., the more passionate and fervent the argument, the greater likelihood the cause is a suppression of belief for the contrary argument, and the subsequent confirmation that it is the (actual) truer statement.

Day 04 — A blogger friend I’ve known for over five years told me she has been blogging anonymously all this time and most of what I know about her is her fantasy. My reaction to the news is…

Really, Really Dude, thats how you feel about life? I don’t think it would phase me that much, mainly because she is only a friend over the internet. One question I would have is why after five years did she decide to tell me now. I would give her the credit that is due for keeping up the charade for so long, but I would wonder what trig erred her to create a life of fantasy. If you really think about it, thousands, even millions of people blog anonymously online everyday, I used to do it. Each persons reason may be different, but most times its too avoid judgement or at least that was my reason. 

If I had to guess why she chose to tell me I think it would be, she was ready to face reality and stand up to life. In order for me to even consider being friends with someone online it would have to be something of interest. Stories that I can relate to, would attract me to the blog in the first place. Blogging has become an outlet for so many people, an escape from pain. Their blog has become their friend who listens and passes no judgement. They can make up their life in a way that they wish it was, or change things that happened. I don’t think I would be upset, because at the end of the day it is the internet. I don’t see myself stopping from visiting the site but I would just always wonder what is real from fake. Sometimes we need a little bit of fantasy to escape our day to day lives.

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 4. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

I don’t believe that a person should save themselves for marriage. I’ve never fully understood the whole concept behind “saving yourself for marriage.” What are you really saving? Your hymen? I don’t understand how it is that the only reason why so many believe in saving yourself for marriage is because of religious views. They say that God made Adam and then Eve, his “helper”, it goes on to say that they were both naked and they felt no shame and because she was part of him they were one and became man and wife. Now, I am confused by this, because no ceremony took place, it was just them so how did they become husband and wife, I guess it just sounded right. They were standing naked in front of each other and felt no shame, so why should you feel guilt if you do the same? I can not understand how a book, a book that has been written countless times still rules many peoples lives. They agree that sex was created by God BUT the only way to enjoy it and do it right, is to do it his way or it becomes harmful and destructive. So basically, if you do not wait to have sex with your spouse, the design and purpose of sex can not be fully achieved. I have never heard such crap, I am sorry but I can not get on board with something that makes absolutely no sense. 

Other than religion, the common reason why many choose to wait, is to experience that special feeling, with that special person. Many people, just want to have that special moment, they want it to be right, because once its gone, its gone. I can respect that, I think almost every girl waited for the person they called “the one.”  Growing up, a girl is told that its best that she saves herself until the right man comes along, and then she can give herself (like a prize) to him, but only after he has shown his love for her in such a way that he might marry her. Really? Is this what we are ok with teaching our children? Hhmmmm, that is why girls are falling for these so called prince charming guys who know that doing this will get them the “prize.” We tell them to wait for the right one, but then when they feel they are in love, we tell them they are too young to know what love is, but this is what we taught them in the first place, sooo I am confused. 

There’s nothing wrong with waiting, but there’s nothing wrong with having safe sex before marriage, either. I really have an issue with people making others feel like they are going to hell for expressing themselves. Sex is the most intimate act two people can share with each other. Concocting reasons like hell, going against God or not loving the person fully is wrong, in my opinion. If you are one of those people who want to run this race together with someone, then I wish you the best of luck, its not a bad thing, but I just hope you are doing it for you. 

 

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 3. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Hmmmm, before I answer this let’s define a Guilty Pleasure.

A guilty pleasure is something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. The “guilt” involved is sometimes simply fear of others discovering one’s lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes.
-Wikipedia

I, personally have a few things that I could list as my guilty pleasure, but since I am being honest I think I would say my one true guilty pleasure would be loving someone of the same sex. When your “different” as the world classifies you, simply loving someone makes you feel some form of guilt. For years I knew how I felt but I fought it and when I did finally give in, I felt guilty for having feelings for another human being.

My partner makes me happy and thats all that matters, I shouldn’t have to feel guilty around anyone or live in fear or be ashamed incase someone finds out. I have tried to fight it before but why should I refrain from something because of the fear of people finding out. This is MY guilty pleasure and I listed it because to some, a guilty pleasure is something that you indulge in to lift you up, mine is another person who makes me happy and gives me no reason to have to look for something to uplift me.

That is my guilty pleasure, judge away.

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 3. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Well I actually have a lot since I am being honest, Timberland boots with tights, and tights, but if I had to pick one I would say JEFFREY CAMPBELL’S. I don’t quite understand this fashion trend. Oversized clunky shoes on skinny people, it just makes no sense to me. Let me be specific, the Lita Jeffrey Campbell shoes. The whole tight lace up clunky shoes are just not something I understand. I remember when I first saw someone wearing Jeffrey Campbell’s I liked them, but when I saw the Lita collection I was like WOW. Now, I live in Bermuda, as soon as I saw the trend growing online I knew it was only a matter of time before the trend took over the island.

I went to a fashion show one day and one girl told me she ordered shoes just for a high school fashion show, when I saw her come out, not only did she have on a pair in each scene but she couldn’t even walk in them, actually neither of them could. I think its just stupid. I just don’t like clunky shoes, yes some people can but just like tights aren’t for everyone neither are Jeffrey Campbell’s. Maybe if someone told me the hype behind this trend I would change my outlook… actually no I won’t. I guess its because he got the right person to wear his shoes so they became the new must have. I guess I am not in style, I have nothing against the shoes I love some of his other styles but those ones in particular I would much rather admire them from a distance and I am fine with that.

Enjoy your trend, and I will enjoy mine.

 

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare is hosted by Tom Baker.  So far so good, One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

A year and 5 months of being clean and she goes back after one slip up. No child should ever have to look at their mother with her sunken in cheeks and listen to her tell you she is sorry, and that she is trying. 20 years of doing crack, she finally reached the point of being tired and fed up, I would have to say that was the happiest moments of my life that my mother has ever given to me. That was about a year and a half ago, today I find myself trying to look for her. A few weeks ago she slipped up and went missing for two days and now it has been a whole week but I only found out about it yesterday. I am disconnected from the world for a week and a few days only to find out that my mom has gone M.I.A once again. The pain, my pain, is unbearable, this is my story in surviving when your parent is a drug addict.

After spending my whole life wanting nothing more than to have “normal” parents, my dad takes the plunge first and gets clean. Growing up I didn’t have my dad in my life, all he gave me was empty promises and suntans from waiting outside for him to come. The day my momma told me she was going into rehab I was so proud, I think I told just about every that was close to me. I don’t think there is a word to describe the feeling that was going through my body. I spent my whole childhood watching my momma getting high, sometimes I was in the same room. The noise, the smell, the experience is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I remember waking up in the middle of the night in a huge house all alone, and in the dark calling and crying out for her. As a child the last thing on your mind is that your momma is a crackhead, only thing you could do at that age was cry yourself to sleep. Not knowing where she was or if she was even alive. How do you become the parent when you yourself are still a child. 

The first time I really realized what was going on and what she was, was when she argued with my grandpa and dragged me out the house in tears having to walk two parishes to get to our destination. While at this house I didn’t feel comfortable and it was in this house that someone abused me. Laying there teary eyed all I could think was why was is this happening to me? What did I do wrong? Can I just go home? Days later, I finally was back in my own bed and after that I started to keep everything to myself, I hid every emotion. I used to dread nights, because I knew she was going to leave me again, I just used to hope that when I did fall asleep I would sleep through the whole night. I remember I used to put her cigarettes up to my mouth, just to see what was so fascinating about it, but the taste alone repulsed me. How does a child survive and cope with a drug addicted parent?

A year and a half later of her being clean, I am left alone once again to face my childhood memories and fears. I have been driving up and down, calling all over the place, knocking on people’s doors, talking to complete strangers. I am tired, I am drained. Of course the rehab counselors, tell you that her addiction is not your fault, that is has nothing to do with you, but how does a child believe that, I mean really believe that. Was I never enough? Did she want my brother back on the island instead of living with his dad? Was I a mistake? While my momma was clean last year, I was finally able to ask her if she did drugs while she was pregnant with me, her answer…yes. My heart sank when she told me this, I felt like she didn’t give a shit about me, it took me to move in a way that made her stomach look deformed for her to not smoke crack while she was pregnant. Yes, I was lucky but just the thought of it still hurts. While my momma was in rehab she was able to face her demons, or so I thought. She apologized for all that happened to me and I accepted it, I put my pain aside to be strong for her, and now she has tossed me to the side like some rag doll. I see now that she is a slave to the drug. Since the last time it has become her every thought, her one true love, her lust, her best friend, her confidant. It has taken over and made her the mindless, selfish person she is today. I wish I could say that saying all of that justifies her action to choose it over me and the people who have sacrificed for her but it doesn’t. It just puts things in perspective.

I now see that no matter how much I may want to, how much I may need to, I can never let myself trust her. The last time, a few weeks ago I was moreso upset and I still forgave her, but this time, I am hurt, upset and ashamed. I played the fool. I didn’t want to see what was written in bold before my eyes, I wanted so badly to believe she learned this lesson but I was wrong, I was stupid. Shame on me! I trusted her, I thought that after the last time it was the last time, I guess thats the common role that every loved one plays. How do you shield your heart from the pain that comes along with caring for a addict? How do you shield yourself from the pain and still love her? Broken and hurt; my momma has managed to strip me down bare of every emotion. How, after all of this do I still love her the same, how does my love stay strong and appear untarnished? How do I give my forgiveness to her, when it seems like that is the furthest thing on her mind? Yes, I know that I don’t know what it feels like to be a drug addict but she made me think she was getting better, telling me everyday she was going to her meetings ONLY to find out from my aunt that she has been missing!! I may not know what it feels like to be an addict but I know how it feels to be constantly hurt by the woman who brought me into this world. 

I sit here and I ask myself, how many tears must I cry, how many tissues must I go through, how many sleepless nights, what else must I endure before she realizes that she isn’t just hurting herself, but she is hurting her family too. I guess we are just supposed to keep our arms open and give away our forgiveness.  I guess the bottom line is that deep down she is still an addict, before she can even begin to live a “normal” life she needs to recite it in the mirror everyday. The pain that my momma has left me with is slowly teaching me that I can’t let this take over my life.  I am sitting wondering if she is ok, if she is alive, if someone is hurting her. I am so tired of going through this. When do I get to be the child? I am not even sure if I am more hurt or angry. I think if I had to chose it would be anger. I am not as hurt because deep down I expected it, I knew it was coming, but I still pushed it to the back of my mind and filled my mind with thoughts of my momma healed from this sickness. I am angry because not only is the person she is getting high with a nasty person, but they also fucked me over and she knew that, but she put it all aside for her own selfish reasons. I hate to admit it, but it makes me wonder if she knew all along what was happening to me but didn’t care because her high was more important. I can no longer go through this anymore, no longer will I preserve her innocence in my mind, I can’t allow myself to trust her again her until she is truly sober. I am not giving my forgiveness or my trust back to her, this time she needs to pass a test. I don’t know how to even begin to properly deal with this but I do know that wallowing isn’t going to help but I guess this is a start because I am getting some of it off my chest. A year and a half later and it has come down to an ultimatum, your daughter or drugs, I wonder which one she will choose this time. Sad part is, while she is out there getting high she is walking further away with the pieces of my heart. This is my pain, you tell me how I am surviving when my parent is a drug addict…

 

 

“It is not nearly so important how well a message is received as how well it is sent. You cannot take responsibility for how well another accepts your truth; you can only ensure how well it is communicated. And by how well, I don’t mean merely how clearly; I mean how lovingly, how compassionately, how sensitively, how courageously, and how completely.” 

-Neale Donald Walsch

The blogging challenge that has consumed the mind of many other bloggers, and enticed the eyes of their readers. For the past few days I have stumbled across some blogs who have been writing on the topic “30 Days Of Blogging Honesty And One Dare.” I found the topic to be quite interesting and I looked into it a little more, I had no idea that numerous bloggers had been participating in this challenge. Of course me being the persistent woman that I am, I just had to go deeper to find out who started it and how it worked. Searching deeper I finally found Morning Erection the website behind the challenge.

Apparently this is the second time that this has been done and I missed when everyone else started but after speaking with Tom he gave me all the information and told me to feel free to get started. I, myself am eager and exited to get started on this challenge, it ties right in to were I am in my life. So many people are afraid to show themselves naked and raw to the world, afraid of judgment. I am ready to take the challenge. He has given me the dares already which came on the day after the last day of the challenge so I am not going to look at them until after.

I hope you are ready for 30 days of total honesty. I am listing the rules below so that you understand what the challenge is. Please feel free to comment.

The Rules 

1. You must answer 30 questions.
2. You must place the above graphic on each day’s post.
3. After the 30 days is over, you must complete one of the dares.
4. You must make every effort to reply to any and all comments left on your blog during the 30 Days and the Dare.
5. Everyone must make a concerted effort to visit the blogs of other participants and comment on their responses.

 

You’ve got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you’ve got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never regret.

- Unknown

Life & Love

To say that I’ve been bombarded with a lot of thinking for that past few days would be a lie, I’ve been doing nothing but thinking. Evaluating my life and the status of my heart and soul, just about sums it up. Isn’t it funny how we always look into our past when we are faced with the problems of today? I guess we feel that somehow looking into our past to see how we got to the place we are at will somehow give us a different answer than the one we already know. The past has made me who I am today, but I have one question, why is it that no matter how much pain we endure we don’t take heed until we have hit rock bottom?

I was on the verge of losing it all, now to some, losing someone you love isn’t losing it all, but it is when that person has been there through it all. I am not afraid to say it, I fucked up! A public broadcast was made across the famous platform Facebook, and of course it only took a mere two seconds for people to direct message, call, text, whatsapp, you name it they found a way to contact us. Mistake number one was broadcasting it, but people never think about things when they are acting out of anger. Its funny how people are, every Jane, Mary and Sue that wanted her hit her up, to say ” You should have picked me”. I didn’t realize this was a game of Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe. Ha, bitches make me laugh, one little scrape of the knee and they smell blood and drop all that they are doing to be first in line. Of course I was judged, only my true friends hit me to ask me if I was ok. One thing about people, they forget that shit happens, that we are ALL human and that we make mistakes. I guess they forgot that they too have skeletons in their closet. 

Real talk; everyone has problems, but its only when someone else’s problems becomes the “news” that you set aside your own to delve in theirs in the attempt to make yours seem minor, and you on top. I am not ashamed to say that I have my own issues to deal with but I am human just like you, if I didn’t have problems then I think it would be at that point that I would panic. Opportunities are perfectly disguised as a problems, its up to you to see past the makeup and get something out of it. Its our problems that either make or break us, we need to learn to use them to our advantage. I know now, that I have my own cheerleaders when I am faced with one, to them they are cheering against me, but to me they cheering for me. As I sit and evaluate my life, I question myself, have my past and problems made me a better person or a bitter person? I am hoping that I have become better but I also know that I have grown a bit bitter, but in all honesty I am glad. I am tired of living for others, and letting people walk over me. We all have a past, what makes yours better than mine, what gives you the right to judge me?

Fear & Hate

A wise quote from George Washington Carver “Fear of something is at the root of hate for others, and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.” So many people fear what they don’t understand, and instead of trying to, they feel its easier to hate. We are not born to hate, hate is a learned trait. Many learn this as they grow and become products of their environment.  Whether it be parents, political, or religion, each are capable to teach this behavior. It may not be their intent, but sometimes they do know what they are doing. Example: Parents discipline their children when they are doing their version of bad, which forces them to be good which then creates negative stereotypes of those who do the opposite.   As we learn, we pass on the same behavior because its what we have grown to know but truth is we don’t really know nor do we understand. We fear the different, different signifies change and well, we all know that we don’t like change. Our belief, our rules, our religion is best, we don’t know why, we are just taught that way. They are from ‘over there’ we are from ‘over here’. 

Its so sad that so many people go through life hating for a reason that is unknown to them, they are ok with the answer “Just because.” I remember when I was a child, I used to say to my grandpa “I hate carrots”, boy did he quickly correct me, he told me never to use the word hate. Some 10+ years later I, like others, just let hate roll off my tongue. To me, I may have a valid reason because they did something to me, but I refuse to let hate within me, destroy who I am.

Real Talk

Before you pass judgement, take a minute to look in the mirror. My love for her and my true friends keep me sane when I am surrounded by fearful people who live their lives based on the standards strangers have set for them. I know the price of being independent, being an individual in a world that is filled with copies, I am standing firm and paying the toll to be different. The painful but cold truth is that some people need to hate in order to live, a reason isn’t a requirement. As we all know It’s not that hard to despise someone you think has it better, or who has more than you, especially when you feel they don’t deserve it and you do. At the end of the day, if your a billionaire with no monetary need, or a nun who is spiritually content, life isn’t perfect for anyone. You do what you need to do to get by, you do what you need to do for you. I don’t know about you but I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what I do I can’t change their opinion so personally, I’d rather them hate me for who I am, instead of the lies spread by others. I refuse to be like them, I refuse to hate them for something they can’t help. I’d rather focus on trying to be happy, than looking for a reason to be miserable. No more will they ruin what little time I have in this world, tomorrow isn’t promised.

I almost gave in to the bullies, the haters, when I was on the verge of losing it all, my love, my heart, my soul. Its when we lose our souls and compassion to the very miserable bitter hate that triggered them to cheer against us, is when they win. When you chose to live your life as a copy you become just the rest, walking zombies just barely existing. People are always going to talk, why change yourself to be unhappy only to be treated the same. So many people go through life looking down on the ground trying not to step on anyones toes hoping that will make life easier, only they didn’t realize they would have walls and obstacles to face. Life is meant to be lived, so what if you make a few enemies along the way, its part of the process, keeps you on your toes, keeps it interesting. What happens to you is beyond your control, however, your reaction is. Winning is so much greater when you know it came from you with no negative emotions behind it.

They say revenge is best served cold, I am saying this; the best revenge is to leave them with their hateful miserable lives while you in turn enjoy the victory of independence, self esteem and your own happiness. Although I choose to remain silent to those who hate and offend me, I am becoming a better and stronger me in the process. Life’s drama will continue with or without me. 

 I have to smile at people, laugh at the haters, and pity the lonely. Remember this, be who you are, love who you are, and never let your past decide your future. You deserve love and respect, don’t ever let the minions of hatred define who you are or steal your self worth. Your one in the same, human, you just have more to live for, more to stand up for. We may never be able to outrun or escape the pain of our pasts but can make a choice to not let it ruin the future or the person we can become, Bitter and Hate or Better and Real? Real Talk

 

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

- Winston Churchill